Chapter 14 - LILY ASKED TO SEE HER
Lily was twelve when she asked.
Not eleven.
Not ten.
Twelve.
“Can I see Grandma?”
Sarah and I both froze.
We had never encouraged it.
Never forbidden her from asking.
Her therapist had always said the decision should be revisited based on Lily’s development, Marlene’s behavior, legal restrictions, and safety.
“Why?” Sarah asked gently.
Lily shrugged.
“I want to know if she’s different.”
That answer terrified me.
“What if she isn’t?”
“Then I’ll know.”
We discussed it for weeks.
With Lily’s therapist.
With our family attorney.
With Marlene’s supervising authorities where required.
The eventual meeting took place at a therapist’s office.
Supervised.
Forty-five minutes.
Sarah chose not to attend.
I did.
Marlene walked into the room wearing a simple blue cardigan.
No pearl necklace.
No handbag.
Lily stared at her.
Marlene sat.
“Hi, Lily.”
“Hi.”
Silence.
Then Marlene said:
“I’m not going to ask you to hug me.”
Lily nodded.
Another silence.
“I hurt you,” Marlene said.
“Yes.”
“I scared you.”
“Yes.”
“I lied about you.”
Lily looked at her.
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry.”
Lily asked:
“Why did you say Mom would die?”
Marlene’s face crumpled.
“Because I wanted you to be too scared to tell.”
“Did you think she would?”
“No.”
“Could she have?”
Marlene hesitated.
The therapist said nothing.
Finally:
“Yes.”
That mattered.
Not technically.
Emotionally.
Marlene was finally willing to admit that her intention did not control the danger she created.
Lily asked:
“Do you still think Mom ruined Dad?”
“No.”
“Do you like her?”
Marlene almost smiled.
“I don’t think your mother needs me to like her.”
Lily looked at me.
I tried not to react.
Then Lily said:
“I don’t forgive you yet.”
Marlene nodded.
“You don’t have to.”
The meeting ended.
Outside, I expected Lily to cry.
She asked for tacos.
We got tacos.
That evening Sarah asked:
“How was it?”
Lily answered:
“She looked smaller.”
Sarah frowned.
“Smaller how?”
“I don’t know.”
Then Lily went upstairs.
I understood.
Marlene had once filled every room in Lily’s imagination.
May you like
Fear made people enormous.
Reality had reduced her to human size.
