Chapter 10 - DANIEL’S BREAKDOWN
Daniel stopped sleeping.
Then stopped eating properly.
Then became obsessed with genetic relationships.
He read papers.
Charts.
Percentages.
One night I found him building a family tree at 2:00 a.m.
“Daniel.”
He stared at the screen.
“Technically Lily’s coefficient—”
“Stop.”
“I’m trying to understand.”
“No. You’re trying to solve pain with arithmetic.”
He looked at me.
Then broke.
“I don’t know who I am to her.”
“You’re her father.”
“That sounds like something people say to make me feel better.”
“It’s something I say because I watched you become her father.”
He started crying.
“What if someday she decides Richard is?”
“That will be her relationship to define.”
He looked terrified.
I continued.
“But another relationship does not erase yours.”
He entered therapy.
Not because biology itself was pathological.
Because betrayal trauma was consuming him.
His father.
Mother.
Sister.
Doctor.
All had participated in different ways.
Daniel’s identity as protector made it worse.
He had defended Lily at dinner.
Slapped Vanessa.
Declared:
DON’T YOU EVER INSULT MY DAUGHTER.
Then discovered he had been unable to protect her conception from choices made before she existed.
His therapist helped him separate impossible responsibility from present responsibility.
He could not change the clinic.
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He could protect Lily now.
That became enough eventually.
