Chapter 9 - VALERIE GOT ANGRY AT ME
For months, Valerie clung to me.
Then she started yelling.
At first I panicked.
Her therapist smiled.
“That can be progress.”
“How?”
“She may finally believe you’re safe enough to be angry with.”
That was humbling.
One night I told her to put away her tablet.
She screamed:
“You always leave!”
I almost corrected her.
The statement was unfair.
I had changed assignments.
I was home.
Then I heard what she meant.
“You’re still angry about when I traveled.”
“Yes!”
“Okay.”
“You left me with her!”
“Yes.”
“You said she loved us!”
“I believed she did.”
“You were wrong!”
“Yes.”
That stopped her.
Adults often defend ourselves against children because we mistake authority for infallibility.
I sat on the floor.
“I was wrong.”
Valerie cried.
“I tried to tell you.”
“I know.”
“You said Claire needed help.”
“I know.”
“You said I was the best big sister.”
That one broke me.
Because I remembered saying it.
Over video call.
Valerie had been holding Mateo.
I thought it was adorable.
Claire had probably put him in her arms.
“I’m sorry.”
Valerie climbed into my lap.
She was getting too big for it.
I held her anyway.
“Are you going to leave again?”
“For work?”
She nodded.
“Sometimes I’ll have to be away during the day. But no overnight trips for now.”
“Forever?”
“I can’t promise forever.”
She stiffened.
I continued:
“But I can promise we will make plans together, and you will never be responsible for Mateo like an adult.”
“Even when I’m eight?”
I smiled.
“Even when you’re eight.”
“What about eighteen?”
“We’ll negotiate.”
May you like
She laughed.
That was the first time we joked about it.
